December 22nd 2009: Goodbye Iris ... an angel, a mother, a beauty, and a sweetheart

Feels pretty empty here; inside the heart and the home ...

A tragedy

"This outer crust ... the thin layer of the ecosphere ... thats all we've ever had and all we ever will. We destroy that, and we destroy ourselves."

Y'day the Copenhagen summit on climate change drew to a conclusion, with a weak and ineffective non-binding agreement being reached by the world's major polluters. Nothing firm, nothing concrete, and the execution and even the implementability are vague and, at best, useless. To quote the world of Dr. Samuel Turvey, "its not just a tragedy, but a travesty". We have effectively sealed the fate of not just our miserable species, but unfortunately, the fate of millions of unique and irreplacable species around us.

But I have hope in two scenarios:
1) We are exterminated by the hostile, hot, barren and desolate planet that we create for ourselves, and then new, more hardy species (evolutionary branches of the likes of jellyfish, rats, stray dogs etc.) will then rule the planet and allow it to get back to a climatic equilibrium.
2) After having raped and pillaged our planet, and almost being driven to extinction by our horrible actions, we evolve into this more caring, less greedy species, who love the planet and learn to live in harmony with it ... someting of the likes of the Naa'bi in Avatar. I wish I could have lived in such a world.
Bottomline: The world that we live in today still has a bit left ... virgin land untouched by our cancerous species, and my solitary goal in life is to see all of that, and possibly try to have an impact for the better, in the span of this short, insignificant life I have. Let it not be bogged down by the trivialities of work and society. Which begs the question: with this goal in mind, how long can I bear staying in the investment banking industry, the very industry which finances war, terror, and the general rape of the planet?

Becoming an investment banker

1) Travelled in an auto whose driver was a sadhu. Was massively humbled by his benign and peaceful person in the midst of the madness of Mumbai. Had a chat w/ him about why he was driving an auto, and he provided me with a very interesting perspective: People only go to temples when they are in trouble, but forget to do so when they are well off. He stays in the temple when he is well off, and when the times get tough earns a living by driving an auto, instead of whining and complaing to the almighty. Tipped him 20/-; wish I had given him more. I was truly humbled and awestruck.

2) GPF party tonight. N (learned of her name today!) dressed in a hot red dress, and swanky waist high boots, tried to hit massively upon N.S, but N.S kept turning her down. Pity ... what a waste of a night! As for me; sipping on beer quietly in the corner :)

3) Its a pity I couldn't find out further.

14 years on and it still warms the heart :)
MLTR forever!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzkD3gpmo4A

"Because she had taken too much, I had nothing left to give ..."

Fucked up, man, human emotions .... the animals are wiser, they know much more than us.

The beautiful letdown ... phew, close shave!

I'm there in the shadows ... I'll be watching you. Sometimes jealous, sometimes regretful that I didn't choose to take the same path and got left behind ... but whatever happens, I'll be watching out for you.

Just for my memory ...
Bwindi: Rainforests in Uganda, where the last out the mountain gorillas are found.
Ishasha: Part of Queen Elizabeth national park where lions are found
Rushegura: Name of the mountain gorilla family that I tracked.
Mwirima: Rushegura's silverback.
It was beautiful.

Requiem for the Baiji

Had a dream last night ... river dolphins. The Gangetic River dolphin in the Brahmaputra. Parts of the river were black and polluted, and one section was clean ... thats where they were swimming. You could briefly see their black dorsal fins coming out of the water every few seconds. Have to see them once before they become extinct.
Strangely then at 1pm today I get this call from Landmark saying that the copy of "Witness to Extinction" has arrived. Rushed to buy it. Have started reading ... grim stuff.

Failure ...

In retrospect I'd rather not let out a frustration-filled burst of cynicism about what a loser I am and how working at with my current employer has made me more so ... that's easy to do. Rather, I will pick up the pieces, and analyze where this starts over. Two things are for sure: I have lost my edge; and my current job is a burning shame (and a gross injustice) for a person of my background, immediately implying: I have to fight back to rebuild and retain my edge against the incessesant blunting effect of my current job, and more importantly, I have to get the hell out of this job.

Today I fucked up a simple interview at DB. Today I start picking up the pieces.

Plan to follow up with a whole lot of words gotten from two books I read lately:
1) Traders, Guns & Money - Satyajit Das
2) Panic - Michael Lewis

deshabille - partly dressed state
hubris - arrogance
lucre - profits
mendacity - lying
egregious - extremely bad
apocryphal - of doubtful authenticity
demagogue - a leader championing the cause of the common people
ostensibly - evident/conspicuous
febrile - feverish
inexorable - unstoppable
sequester - separate
prognosticate - to tell from signs/symptoms

- Got from Zero Hedge & "Traders, Guns & Money" - Satyajit Das

While I sit around on my butt in office, fucking around with excel, tigers are getting poached, Gangetic dolphins are getting lynched, and the Baiji has already become extinct ...

There has got to be some meaning to this life ...

I'm depressed ... http://www.wpsi-india.org/wpsi/index.php

They're back :) ... MLTR Eternity!

tried tested and failed ... so it comes back to this: "there's gotta be somebody for me out there"

Where are you baby? Anyways, carry on and hang on tight ... maybe a few more years or maybe a lifetime. It doesn't matter :)

engender- to procreate

inexorable - relentless
innuendo - something negative said about somebody

After a long time a good movie :) ... Body of Lies
Salutations to a true actor ... Leonardo Di Caprio!

"I'm working on a dream
Though sometimes it feels so far away
I'm working on a dream
I know it will be mine someday"

- Bruce Springsteen

abrogate - nullify/cancel
gregarious - sociable